


A Small Bureaucratic Problem

by AstroGirl



Category: Welcome to Night Vale
Genre: Gen, Typical Night Vale Weirdness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-20
Updated: 2016-04-20
Packaged: 2018-06-03 09:06:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 579
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6604984
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AstroGirl/pseuds/AstroGirl
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A snippet of Cecil's show featuring news about some problems with record-keeping at City Hall.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Small Bureaucratic Problem

**Author's Note:**

> Written for Trope Bingo, for the prompt "presumed dead."

This has been Traffic.

Turning now to the news. The Night Vale City Council announced today that there has been a small... mishap with some of the records on file down at City Hall. Several thousand files have been rendered unreadable or destroyed entirely. The Council reports that this is due to a series of unrelated accidents, including the misplacement of several files in the "shred" pile rather than the "save" pile by a city clerk who was distracted by having recently been dumped by her boyfriend – stay strong, Susan, and remember, you deserve someone who will love you for you!; a coffee spill, which flooded much of the first floor before finally being contained; and a small spacetime singularity which may have been caused by the collapse of a critical mass of citizen re-education reports. The investigation on that one is still ongoing.

We have been told that many of these records _did_ also exist in electronic format, but unfortunately were wiped out by that electromagnetic pulse from Radon Canyon last week. Once again, the City Council would like to remind citizens that this was a perfectly natural phenomenon, and _not_ caused by malevolent aliens, and requests that you report any aliens spreading rumors to the contrary to the authorities.

Concerning the lost records, the City Council – speaking, as always, in unison – said, "We apologize for the inconvenience. Although, really, _we're_ the ones who are going to have to clean this mess up, and re-create all those missing records. Or, you know, get someone else to do it. So, really, _you_ should be apologizing to us. Go on. Apologize!"

They then announced that Night Vale residents who are now missing birth certificates, Secret Police dossiers, or other proofs of existence, have been declared dead until the files can be replaced. 

The state of temporary death should begin to take hold, well, about now, actually. If you are affected by this situation, here's what you should expect! First, you will begin to feel distant from the reality around you. You will still perceive the world, for now, but it will begin to seem unimportant, increasingly irrelevant to you as you transition to your new state of being. Your metabolism will slow... and slow... and finally stop. Your heart will cease to beat. Your lungs will cease to breathe. Your brain will cease to be _your_ brain, and become merely _a_ brain. You will see nothing. Feel nothing. Taste, touch, and smell nothing. And you will not care. There will be no you _to_ care. You will be dead.

Try to think of it as a nice vacation from all your worries!

When asked how long affected citizens would remain dead, the City Council replied, "I don't know. A few weeks? Why are people always asking us so many questions?!" They then added that specially built coffins with bells installed in them will be available for those who may be uncertain as to whether their loved ones are permanently dead or merely temporarily dead, or for those who simply want to use burial as a convenient storage method for their loved ones until they are restored to life. If you would like one, just come on down to City Hall and ask! Better hurry, though, as supplies are limited, and the coffins will be provided on a first-come-first-served basis.

We will of course, return to this story as soon as there is anything new to report.

But, now, the weather...


End file.
